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This article is dedicated to caregivers.

The journey of caring for a loved one can be incredibly stressful— like trying to stay afloat amid rising tides and navigating wave after wave of unexpected challenges. Caregivers often devote so much of their energy and attention to their loved ones that their own needs and emotions are compromised.

In the process of caring for someone else, you as a caregiver may quietly neglect your own well-being. You often worry you are not doing enough and grapple with a wide range of emotions. One of the most common feelings you may experience as a caregiver is guilt toward your loved ones. This guilt can drive you to do even more, which may ultimately lead to various forms of psychological impact.

WORKING THROUGH CAREGIVER GUILT

Caregiver guilt shows up in many ways. It can surface as a deep sense of inadequacy—feeling like you are never doing enough, or that your loved one’s needs must always come before your own. Many caregivers struggle to ask for help, even when exhaustion sets in. Resentment may quietly build but is often pushed aside, simmering alongside complex family dynamics and unspoken emotions.

These emotions are shared by many—and you who feel them are certainly not alone:

“I feel guilty for resenting my husband when I should be doing my best to provide the best care. I should not be feeling this way.”

“I am okay, I should be focusing on my wife instead.”

“I’m just tired, that’s all. Other people have it harder. I can’t slow down now—my father needs me.”

“Because of our siblings’ arguments, I’m scared my mother would not get the care she deserves. The tension is breaking us apart, and I feel helpless knowing she needs me right now, but we can’t even come together.”

These feelings of guilt are real and valid, shaped by each of your unique experiences. As a caregiver, it is natural to put your loved one first. However, over time, continually setting aside your own needs can lead to emotional and physical burnout.

BUILDING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

In the midst of supporting a loved one through the challenges of cancer, it is important for caregivers to stay attuned to your own emotions and recognise when you need care, too.

By gently turning inward and tending to your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being, you not only preserve your own physical health, but also strengthen your emotional capacity to be present, compassionate, and resilient for your loved one.

Self-care is not a sign of weakness or selfishness—it is an act of love that sustains both you and your loved ones as you alongside this difficult journey.

Five-Finger Reminder

Begin to take small steps in building healthy boundaries as caregivers by using this five-finger reminder:

Thumb: Tend to You
Listen to your inner voice, as you know what you truly need. As caregivers, you have a long list of tasks occupying your mind, leading you to neglect the important yet often silenced inner voice calling out and prompting you towards what you need. Tend to yourself, stay still, and listen to that voice within that brings wholeness to yourself.

Index: I Am Allowed to Pause
Recognise your needs and make a list of ways to spend quality time with yourself, such as taking short mindful breaks. Acknowledge your inadequacy, and give yourself permission to rest because you are important too. Attend to your inner garden that nurtures your resilience and strength, and feel it come alive again.

Middle: Make Space Through Saying No
Saying “no” can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when you feel a sense of responsibility for others. But saying “no” is not about rejecting others—it is about respecting your own capacity and protecting your well-being. When you learn to say “no” thoughtfully, you create the space to recharge, prevent burnout, and to continue giving your best with greater strength and compassion.

Ring: Reassure Yourself
A reminder to love yourself first by affirming the efforts and dedication you have given to your caregiving responsibilities. Give yourself credits, celebrate your progresses, and offer yourself the same compassion you so generously extend to others. You deserve a warm pat on your back for all you do.

Pinkie: Practise Accepting Help
You may feel pressure to do everything on your own, believing that asking for help means you are failing in your role. Being a caregiver does not mean doing everything alone; recognising your limits is not weakness—it is strength. By accepting help, it allows you to recharge, and seeking support from community networks and professionals builds resilience to bring better care to your loved ones.

As you begin this personal journey to care for your own needs by setting healthy boundaries and reestablishing your self-care routines, you may face challenges along the way. But don’t give up—you are not alone. Finding a trusted person to support and encourage you can make a big difference in staying committed to restoring your own wholeness while caring for your loved ones through cancer.